Charmin Tries to Clean up a Marketing Turd!

BREAKING NEWS!

From the A.P. Daybook [a daily digest from the Associated Press sent to media to alert them to "news events," which half the time are just LAME PR stunts]

-------------- NEW YORK CITY ---------

10:30 a.m. to 10:45 a.m.

Five Broadway performers, including Christopher Sieber of "Shrek the Musical," five Charmin employees and the company's bear mascots perform show tunes and pop music with revised lyrics promoting the toilet paper brand during "Bathrooms over Broadway," an event to benefit Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS; Charmin Restrooms, 1540 Broadway, between 45th and 46th streets.

--Note: Must RSVP and arrive at 10 a.m.

Contact: -----(at)mslworldwide.com, 914-843-XXXX or 212-468-XXXX.

We have spent a lot of time in our short time together talking about bad marketing, turd marketing, etc. Here's a GREAT example, hot off the wires, of literal TURD marketing.

When marketers run out of ideas, they resort to gimmicks. Double down on that if you are promoting a product/service that is a COMPLETE turd. Toilet paper fits in the "turd category" because:

1. It is a product that sees benefit from "PR" that is marginal at best (98%+ of category sales are driven by ATL and traditional marketing);

2. There is REALLY nothing to talk about with this product unless there was some breakthrough innovation like toilet tissue made out of Shamwow! (i "smell" a great cross promo here);

3. Clearly the PR folks or whoever at MS&L have simply GIVEN UP. They are no longer trying to be innovative, add value or even pretend to the client that they still give a shit (pun intended). This is JUST LAME. EVERY lazy marketer in NYC, says "let's do an event in Times Square." This unoriginal, hackneyed kind of idea is sold to the client with promises of "huge buzz" and "media coverage."

The only result the client gets is confused tourists from Germany and China walking around dazed wondering why a giant roll of toilet paper guy is dancing around Times Square like an asshole trying to sing in frigid weather. Oh, that's REAL great for your brand, Mr. Whipple.

It turns out Charmin and/or it's marketing or PR counsel have a history of attempting LAME PR stunts that provide absolutely no benefit (see Boston Herald).

EVEN more lame to do this outside, in NYC, when it's 6 degrees with 40+ mph winds.

Thanks for reading.
-Jonathan